Training for Life!

"Chandu, studying in this manner, ain't getting you any closer to your Chartered Accountant (CA) designation" on repeat, courtesy Mom.

It kept ringing in my ears until 11.59 am on December 2nd 2011. It had been a good year. Finally my being was heading in some direction, be it in terms of a career, family or even a relationship. So far, so good. I kept attributing all the success to my weekly temple visits, elders' blessings, lesser of mom's rants - more her prayers, Vinaya's support, Kostya's worst case scenarios (where my failure would translate into he being my boss)...

Everything but my method of preparation. Why, I even thought I had the lucky stars over my head - Hard for someone who completely disregards the theory of luck. Such is what the process of CA does to one.

It all started at some god-forsaken talent/'teen confidence boost' shows, with an equally cheesy title called the 'Prince Charming and Beautiful Princess' parade. The Question put forth to me was "What do you aspire to become in life". Having a never-die fascination for guns and putting myself to sleep by picturing a battle situation where I am the only one with ammunition with the name of every enemy (yes, I was very intricate with my dreams) - I always said "Being a soldier" - the one that doesn't have to give up his life (blame Bollywood).

As I grew older and with inputs from the family elders, it was given that I wasn't cut out for an operation theater or a hangar repair shop. So the only other alternative was commerce/business studies. So let's analyse our options. To my parents - there were none - so let's just hold him hostage with CA.

And from there on, being a soldier slowly transformed into something more viable - being a Chartered Accountant. (yes, I found the spotlight really attractive, hence I took part in a lot of such competitions). I blurted such statements not realizing what it would eventually take off me. (Let's cross that bridge when we get there, in the meantime let's bask in the current glory.) Time passed, and such blurts actually tended to grow as my ultimate aim, for the lack of anything better or brighter. I reminisce walking into my first four-hour Core Knowledge Exam (CA - level 1), and telling myself- "here goes to those stage show responses. Finally time to make good, or maybe try..."

How did I make it through. I swear, it were someone's prayers. What else would you claim to me leaving almost 10% of the paper to God's divine intervention, especially when the pass percentage is barely over 40%? First hurdle done - Jan 2011.

The Second exam, also called the School of Accountancy (CA - Level 2), was a bigger joke. The mock exams were as horrendous as the witch in Hansel and Gretel could get. I failed in all my mocks, and my blessed study buddy's (Kostya's) worst case scenarios were knocking on my doors. These exams spanned over two consecutive days and 9 hours of pure case writing. By the end of the second day, only alcohol could show me the light at the end of that tunnel. Getting through this, slowly had me believing in miracles and that end goal of making it across that reptile infested water. Second hurdle - July 2011.

September 2011 came with the mother of all battles - The Uniform Evaluation Exam (CA - Level 3 or easily known as Euphiee) The grueling consecutive three days and over 13 hours of exam writing had a terrifying history to begin with. More than the preps, I kept checking stats of how many people passed on the first try (all three exams within a year). When that didn't turn promising, I turned to check if Krishna came twice in the whole Draupadi Molestation case. When that turned a negative, Kostya and I planned a give-it-all strategy. The exam itself was a blur and the traffic jams on the way to the exam fed to the stress levels (On two days, we made it just in time, inspite of leaving home 2 hours before the exam - read as signs of the impending failure). All I remember was the end of the third day, when I stayed back in my seat, panting and hoping someone would just pick me and put me to bed.

The results for that final exam took three months and over three groups of national markers. Kostya kept joking that they just wanted to make sure, not many made it through that last hurdle - how much humour was involved in that is worth another blog entry. Three months of never-ending waiting period. Three months of nightmares of not completing the exam or even appearing again, next year. Three months of you devising the worst scenarios. Three months of you wishing, you had studied that handbook or the Income Tax Act a lot better (maybe memorizing those above 10K pages, would have helped). And eventually three months of you replaying mom's rants let you believe that you are to fail. That the divine power could have set you up by getting you through two exams and finally ditching you, when it all counted.

December 2, 2011, 11:59pm, a minute to go. Pumping was an understatement, the heart had reached a stage, where the constant oscillation had started hitting a rotational motion and it's temper spat out the screws and bolts. Goosebumps, sweaty palms, feverish shivers, all in a juicer mixed serving. 10 seconds to go ......

And my computer crashes. Even the so called man-made wonder couldn't keep up. I panicked. This is it, God's mischief. Damn you Charles Babbage, Bill Gates, Steve jobs - If I fail, it's all you're doing. Later I realized that stressful moments like these, bought out the best in a man. He tends to do a in-power political party ending, searching for something to blame, searching for something to find solace in, just in case they failed.

My phone rings, "Damn you, Kostya, Not now. I've taken these rants for three months". His response was "Bro, They (Canadian Institute of Chartered Accountants) don't realise what they have let in. I am filing an official complaint, for letting us pass". I dropped it all. Took a deep breath and for once felt unreal. Everything came rushing back to me. The stage shows, uncles and aunts and questioning my ever-aspiring CA dream and me responding, "NO, I haven't written the exam yet, but I hope to..", my grandfather associating my CA to family honour (Ironically, our family is not all that educated)

But it didn't matter. All I cared was, I didn't have to go back and fight that three-day war again.
I called up grandpa - and for a moment I repented, for he went on a bigger happy dance spree and for a guy who has 80 years and 2 wars under his ears, the last thing I wanted was a fatality.
- Mom was second in line - and she had a touch of motherly emotion whereby she thanked me for giving her meaning for coming to an unknown place (Canada) and making it all worth.
- Dad maintained his cool and reminded me to stay grounded and that humility counted more than pride. (Yet one could solve the pride in his own voice)
- Vinaya had her quiet yet relieved "sigh", and cursed me over-playing the not so pleasant 'what-if' scenarios.


The Best of all was my younger sibling's reaction - "You passed? - Oh damn! - now I have standards to meet..."

(I wished they were here, for I know they are surely paving my path, from above - This to you - Jojo, Ammamma and Achamma (the last of whom I had promised a ton, in return for her prayers, and yet she left me hanging just 2 months short))